||[June 1st, 12:06am]
You want to know why I hate you, well I’ll try and explain..
Promised to each other that we’d always think the same,
And dreamed that dream to be two souls as one.
Fucking music. Why did I want to be allowed music, again? All that happens is I let it control my emotions and I have to listen to a happy song to feel happy. I don’t own that many happy songs, so..
Eh. I switch to Halo, hoping maybe that’ll cheer me up a bit. Of course, it doesn’t, it just makes me bitter that I don’t have that in my life.
I feel so fucking sick. Hm. That’s an idea. Switch to Close to Me.
I’ve waited hours for this,
I’ve made myself so sick,
I wish I’d stayed asleep today.
That’s more like it. Upbeat tone, not depressing yet not entirely happy lyrics.
I breathe a little sigh of relief and flop back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I’ve been here one day. The withdrawal’s not too bad yet, but it’s pretty fucking bad. Mainly the nausea, and the voices going insane (wait.. that would be me going insane), and my muscles beginning to ache and knot. It’s times like this I lose the anger and start thinking too much- and that annoys me because I have every right to be angry, and I start forgiving him, them, but then I get angrier because of that and I want to kick things. Kick.. things. I kicked the wall, but all I got was a bruised toe and zero satisfaction. Sigh.
Oh crap, the song is coming to an end. What’s next?
AGHHH. You fuckers.
You’re so gorgeous I’d do anything,
Kiss you from your feet to where your head begins,
You’re so perfect you’re so right as rain,
You make me make me make me make me hungry again.
Everything you do is irresistible
Everything you do is so kissable
Why can’t I be you?
That’s.. just.. not even funny. Swiiiitch. Just Like Heaven. That’ll do nicely for now, possibly make me cry, but eh.
Show me show me show me how you do that trick,
The one that makes me scream, she said
The one that makes me laugh, she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it and I promise you,
I promise that I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge,
I kissed her face and kissed her hair,
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? She said,
Oh won’t you ever know
That I’m in love with you,
That I’m in love with you.
You, soft and only,
You, lost and lonely,
You, strange as angels dancing in the deepest ocean,
Twisting in the water you’re just like a dream,
You’re just like a dream.
Daylight licked me into shape,
I must have been asleep for days
So moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone alone
Above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me
You, soft and only
You, lost and lonely,
Just like heaven..
I don't miss him. I don't miss him at all.
I wonder when I'll truly convince myself of that?